It’s almost a shame.
It’s almost a shame that the namesake of this award, the Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Political Turkey of the Year, has been deemed perpetually ineligible for the reward due to his propensity for turkeying things up. After all, he has hit some remarkable highs (lows?) during even just the last six weeks. Who else managed to book a press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping Company, attend a press conference where his hair dye ran down his face, spread myriad conspiracy theories about election fraud while failing basic civil procedure, and catch COVID-19 (which, according to Hon. Turkey Giuliani, is the result of having sex with barnyard animals)? And to pull that all off even after getting caught “tucking in his pants” alone in a hotel room with Borat’s fictional underage daughter? It’s almost a shame America’s Mayor is ineligible.
Alas, one man’s ineligibility is two men’s gain. Without further ado, the 2020 Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Turkey(s) of the Year are Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman. This inseparable frontyard press conferencing duo managed to beclown themselves multiple times over in 2020 alone, to say nothing of years prior. This year, they zipped up their flies and exchanged buffoonery for felonies
Still, in a year like 2020, many people became laughingstocks, from Jerry Falwell, Jr. being outed as a literal cuck and Lindsey Graham begging for money on Fox News to Herman Cain dying from a disease he denied (and his staff continuing to deny its dangers from his still-active Twitter) and Tucker Carlson staring blankly into a camera daily. And yet, Wohl and Burkman won the award on the fact that their shenanigans led to criminal charges. And, in defending themselves, they talked their way into additional charges. So let’s recap their year.
Their year of the turkey began in February, when Wohl pleaded not guilty to federal securities crimes. One might think that this would cause the calamitous couple to perhaps pump the brakes, and yet three days later the dimwitted duo was distributing jury questionnaires to protect former turkey nominee, Roger Stone (this also led to an ongoing federal investigation).
While this alone may have led to their nomination, the antics were only just beginning, as the COVID-19 pandemic rolled through. It began in late March, when Wohl announced he had obtained then-Democratic candidate Joe Biden’s supposed positive COVID-19 test, with Biden supposedly being on his death bed. The next month, the pinheaded pair announced accusations against Anthony Fauci. These accusations turned out to be unfounded, the result of paying a woman for her story.
The coup de grâce for the moronic mates, however, began in August 2020, when Wohl and Burkman initiated a series of robocalls designed to suppress voter turnout. True to form, the turkeying twosome did not even attempt to hide their tracks, with the calls originating from Burkman’s personal cellphone number and the caller identifying itself as part of the pair's Project 1599. This led to state charges in Michigan and a federal civil suit, alleging the bumbling brace violated the Civil Rights Act and the Ku Klux Klan Act. In testifying for the civil suit, both Wohl and Burkman represented themselves.
The very next day, 15 charges were filed against the delinquent dyad in Ohio. While there is no direct evidence that their testimony led to additional charges, the circumstances are objectively hilarious and the testimony can (and will) be used to criminal procedures.
With there only being weeks left in this hellacious year, we still cannot rule out further shenanigans from your 2020 Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Turkeys of the Year, Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman.
It’s almost a shame that the namesake of this award, the Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Political Turkey of the Year, has been deemed perpetually ineligible for the reward due to his propensity for turkeying things up. After all, he has hit some remarkable highs (lows?) during even just the last six weeks. Who else managed to book a press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping Company, attend a press conference where his hair dye ran down his face, spread myriad conspiracy theories about election fraud while failing basic civil procedure, and catch COVID-19 (which, according to Hon. Turkey Giuliani, is the result of having sex with barnyard animals)? And to pull that all off even after getting caught “tucking in his pants” alone in a hotel room with Borat’s fictional underage daughter? It’s almost a shame America’s Mayor is ineligible.
Alas, one man’s ineligibility is two men’s gain. Without further ado, the 2020 Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Turkey(s) of the Year are Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman. This inseparable frontyard press conferencing duo managed to beclown themselves multiple times over in 2020 alone, to say nothing of years prior. This year, they zipped up their flies and exchanged buffoonery for felonies
Still, in a year like 2020, many people became laughingstocks, from Jerry Falwell, Jr. being outed as a literal cuck and Lindsey Graham begging for money on Fox News to Herman Cain dying from a disease he denied (and his staff continuing to deny its dangers from his still-active Twitter) and Tucker Carlson staring blankly into a camera daily. And yet, Wohl and Burkman won the award on the fact that their shenanigans led to criminal charges. And, in defending themselves, they talked their way into additional charges. So let’s recap their year.
Their year of the turkey began in February, when Wohl pleaded not guilty to federal securities crimes. One might think that this would cause the calamitous couple to perhaps pump the brakes, and yet three days later the dimwitted duo was distributing jury questionnaires to protect former turkey nominee, Roger Stone (this also led to an ongoing federal investigation).
While this alone may have led to their nomination, the antics were only just beginning, as the COVID-19 pandemic rolled through. It began in late March, when Wohl announced he had obtained then-Democratic candidate Joe Biden’s supposed positive COVID-19 test, with Biden supposedly being on his death bed. The next month, the pinheaded pair announced accusations against Anthony Fauci. These accusations turned out to be unfounded, the result of paying a woman for her story.
The coup de grâce for the moronic mates, however, began in August 2020, when Wohl and Burkman initiated a series of robocalls designed to suppress voter turnout. True to form, the turkeying twosome did not even attempt to hide their tracks, with the calls originating from Burkman’s personal cellphone number and the caller identifying itself as part of the pair's Project 1599. This led to state charges in Michigan and a federal civil suit, alleging the bumbling brace violated the Civil Rights Act and the Ku Klux Klan Act. In testifying for the civil suit, both Wohl and Burkman represented themselves.
The very next day, 15 charges were filed against the delinquent dyad in Ohio. While there is no direct evidence that their testimony led to additional charges, the circumstances are objectively hilarious and the testimony can (and will) be used to criminal procedures.
With there only being weeks left in this hellacious year, we still cannot rule out further shenanigans from your 2020 Baboon Furnace Rudy Giuliani Turkeys of the Year, Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman.